they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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