I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
