I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I can feel your judgement through the phone
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
