My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
