It's Friday. Sex?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dignity is for republicans.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
