The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
