please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
