I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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