i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
