I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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