you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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