Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
