just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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