I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
