my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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