At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
