god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm sobbing to NWA
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
