hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
