You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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