Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize