Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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