you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize