I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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