I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
