Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
