Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize