hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
