I like to think it a success when the cops are called
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
