Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Randomize
