I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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