It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
