who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
