It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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