for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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