So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
