I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
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