adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
