i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
