Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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