I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize