Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
