The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I need to align my fucking chakras
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
