someone get that fucking seahorse.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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