so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
