I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
3pm strippers are depressing
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize