that's an acceptable place to lick
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
