so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
