You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Green mimosas i think yes
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
