That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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