I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
