why didn't you poke me back
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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