singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The struggles of a small town man whore
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize