Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
