i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
