I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
