I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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