At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
