Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
