Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
