I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
