Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
