why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
