conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
