Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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