I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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