hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
