I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
