Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
